In this dark, empty and cold room it never felt so relaxing to be able to write at this time. I think it's cold but I am not sure anymore as I am not sure of anything anymore.
Well, I am sure of one thing, at least. Christmas is the saddest time of the year, its a pain almost unbearable to stand. I keep imagining you, in a dark room perhaps, alone because people tend to forget things, you know, its the circle of live...we just forget things easily. Will you be crying while looking out of the window, staring at an empty and quiet road because no one's in the street at the Christmas Eve, they stay with their families, happily smiling and wrapping up presents near the fireplace. It's been 2 years since you got on that bed, unable to move, it's been two whole years since my Christmas has no meaning. Knowing I can't spend it with you thorns my heart appart. Don't get me wrong, I think about you every day, but Christmas is supposed t be a happy time, but it's not. I'm sorry if I don't go visit you, I just can't hold back my tears and I don't want you to see me crying, I don't want to make you sad. I'm sorry if I am selfish, I care about you, but I think I am not mature enough to bare this pain. I reaaly miss you and I want you to know how much I love you, because I do. I wish I could do something to change all this, but it's not up for me to decide, I wish I was less selfish, less imature and more kind.
I wish I could enter to that door and see you smiling back at me and saying "Here's my grandchild, I've missed you so much sweetheart!", but I will never have that feeling back again. Even sorry's not good enough...but still that is all I can say on my behalf (for now).

I'm sorry granny, I love you.

Thoughts of my own

First things first. I thought about writing something in here, then I gave it a second thought and realized that maybe it would be a stupid thing to do. But who cares, this is my blog and I can pretty much write everything I want in here. EVERY FREAKING THING I WANT TO! Second. I write in english when I'm trying to express something I'm not too comfortable with. It's odd, maybe, but then again: Who freaking cares? No one is going to read this anyway (forever alone much, lol).
I guess that "who freaking cares" is the hot spot question that I've been asking myself for quite some time now. No one is going to care if you're miserable, so you might as well pretend to be happy, it'll make things easier for everyone, and that's the real problem. People should say what they think and what they feel, it'd make them feel lighter, it's ease their burdens.
I've learnt a few things lately, some of them I'll put in a metaphorical way. Why? Just cause I can.
I've learnt that people, like seasons, change. No one can avoid that, it is how it is.
I've learnt that poems doesn't always rhyme, and things, no matter how perfectly they match, sometimes they don't belong together. I've also learnt that people like to ruin their lives, for no reason. We are just stuping beings by nature. Brainless.
So, instead of crying myself to sleep, which sounds pretty dramatic and cliché (and I hate that) I've decided to come here and vent my frustrations here, in this forever alone blog (I'm going to start to designate it like that, sounds great, or not).
At this point I feel disgusted about myself, complaining like this. "There are people out there with REAL problems Bia, you know?! You're just being a drama-queen at the moment!" (Monologues help me to keep a decent level of sanity, or not). I've never expected anything from the start and I planned not to get too attached, but I failed. A HUGE FAILURE! Trying to avoid it was of any use in the end. I got attached and now I've walked all this way of stupidity and ended up here writing a stupid post on my own blog. Brilliant! And to make things worse, it is a wall of text (filled with major bullshit that not even I will read after I'm done). So I guess that's it, I've written a lot and said almost nothing. Fantastic!

I don't apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Just to let you (the unexisting person that is reading this) know that. :)