In this dark, empty and cold room it never felt so relaxing to be able to write at this time. I think it's cold but I am not sure anymore as I am not sure of anything anymore.
Well, I am sure of one thing, at least. Christmas is the saddest time of the year, its a pain almost unbearable to stand. I keep imagining you, in a dark room perhaps, alone because people tend to forget things, you know, its the circle of live...we just forget things easily. Will you be crying while looking out of the window, staring at an empty and quiet road because no one's in the street at the Christmas Eve, they stay with their families, happily smiling and wrapping up presents near the fireplace. It's been 2 years since you got on that bed, unable to move, it's been two whole years since my Christmas has no meaning. Knowing I can't spend it with you thorns my heart appart. Don't get me wrong, I think about you every day, but Christmas is supposed t be a happy time, but it's not. I'm sorry if I don't go visit you, I just can't hold back my tears and I don't want you to see me crying, I don't want to make you sad. I'm sorry if I am selfish, I care about you, but I think I am not mature enough to bare this pain. I reaaly miss you and I want you to know how much I love you, because I do. I wish I could do something to change all this, but it's not up for me to decide, I wish I was less selfish, less imature and more kind.
I wish I could enter to that door and see you smiling back at me and saying "Here's my grandchild, I've missed you so much sweetheart!", but I will never have that feeling back again. Even sorry's not good enough...but still that is all I can say on my behalf (for now).

I'm sorry granny, I love you.